She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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