She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
