so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
