yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
