was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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