He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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