so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
