i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
