the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
