i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
