too bad you live with your parents still
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
