areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Vodka?
Forever.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
