You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
