Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
