Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
