Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
