Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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