how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
