i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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