her vagine was all disorganized.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
