Just fell off a train. Bad.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
