From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
