i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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