I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
and she was petting her beer can
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
