Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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