On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
