god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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