I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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