Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
