how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
