and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
