You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
