I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
