I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
