I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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