I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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