Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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