Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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