she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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