he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
