How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
