Walk of Shame. In a state park.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
