He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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