Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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