So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
