dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
3 2 1 whiskey
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
