I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
