i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
