To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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