Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I met the friendliest cop last night
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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