tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
