At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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