i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
