Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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