it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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