I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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